One year ago today, I was almost 13 weeks pregnant and we were on our way to my OB appointment. I imagined that by now our blog would be inundated with baby pictures as we lived life with an active six month old. My daily thoughts included what he or she would look like and what color to decorate the nursery. The only uncertainties that ever crossed my mind included choosing between the BOB or the Bumbleride and picking the right pediatrician. I imagined our summer beach trip involving a little less peace and quiet and a lot more luggage. I trusted God and knew that He was in control, but I don't think I recognized what it really meant to live that out.
Today, I have a different list of daily thoughts and nowhere on that list is finding the right shade of grey for nursery walls. The uncertainties that float around in my head have less to do with choosing a stroller and more to do with when God will choose to bless us with a healthy baby. You see, one year ago today when we saw the stillness of our little one on the ultrasound screen, God was really calling out to us to trust in Him at all times and know that He is fully in control all of the time. I used to look at people who have gone through the most heartbreaking of trials and wondered "how do they even make it?" Today, after going through the loss of not one but two little ones, I know the answer. The fact that I have managed to put one foot in front of the other for the past year is not a reflection of my strength but my Creator's. His grace is truly sufficient and His power is the greatest when I am at my weakest (2 Cor. 12:9).
So while we don't yet have the perfect happy ending to our story- I don't doubt that it's there; we just haven't gotten to that page yet. In the mean time, we trust that God is still God and God is still good- always.