Transparency. I have been very open and honest from the beginning on this blog and I hope I can continue to be as we go through this process. If you are a new reader, you can click here to read more about this. We saw a fertility specialist last week for a consultation. We both knew going into it that we can do all of the testing in the book and still end up right where we are now- with reasons unknown. The chances really are about 50/50 that they'll find a reason. The good news is that my doctor was very encouraging in saying that there is a very good chance of my next pregnancy resulting in a healthy baby. "My next pregnancy"- I don't take those words lightly. I know that getting pregnant is half the battle and there are millions of women out there that are struggling daily to even do that and my heart breaks for them. I am very thankful that I am able to get pregnant. Our prayer is just that I will be able to stay pregnant. Even if we're not able to find a reason through the testing, she would like to treat my next pregnancy with baby aspirin (for possible clotting issue) and progesterone (to sustain a pregnancy early on) regardless, because there is no harm in doing so. That alone is reassuring to me, because it feels like a tangible step. Right now, that is what I need- something tangible, something that I feel I can control... even though I know full well that I am ultimately not in control.
So that is where we are right now. The testing will involve a lot of blood work, a high tech ultrasound and weeks of waiting. Waiting on results. Waiting to try again. Waiting on the God. This morning's devotional spoke directly to me as if it was sealed in an envelope with my name on it sitting in my mailbox.
"God's tender heart must often ache listening to our sad, complaining cries. Our weak, impatient hearts cry out because we fail to see through tear-blinded, short-sighted eyes that it is for our own sakes that He does not answer at all or that He answers in a way we believe is less than the best. In fact, the silences of Jesus are as eloquent as His words and may be a sign not of His disapproval but of His approval and His way of providing a deeper blessing for you." L.B. Cowman & Jim Reimann