Thursday, May 3, 2012

"the question"

So I have discovered that there is a now a question that I dislike very much. It is generally brought up by well-intentioned people in casual conversation the first time I meet them. It's a question that I used to never think twice about, but I can't help but pause before I answer it now. Here is the question:

"Do you have any children?"

By itself it is an innocent question asked by people who mean no harm whatsoever. When Dustin and I first got married, I used to laugh when this was asked and usually give the response of "Oh no, not yet!" Now that we've been married almost five years, it comes up more frequently. What I really want to say is "I've got two in Heaven, but none here with me yet"... but seeing as how this question is usually asked by someone who's just met me within a short window of time, I take a deep breath and remind myself to smile before simply saying "No, not yet" as gracefully as I can.

Depending on the day I'm having, this question may not affect me much or it could cause me to burst into tears. In no way do I fault anyone who asks me this as it is a perfectly normal conversational question when you're getting to know someone. It's just another way I've discovered that miscarriage impacts you permanently- no matter how many you've had. I know that this is a part of our story that God is writing for us. We don't know how long this chapter will be- but we trust the One who knows the book by heart.


  1. Oh my goodness...what a beautiful post and a perspective changer. Thanks for sharing.

  2. For the record, you and Dustin have both handled yourselves with abounding grace...and the fact that you choose to "consider others more important than yourselves" by being careful to not make anyone feel the least bit uncomfortable with the response your heart wants to give speaks volumes.

    The Carson family feels the impact and loss of 2 precious Oprea babies often as well-and we count them as special parts of our family-can't wait to see them in perfection one day.

    You are going to be awesome parents--my kids ask for you regularly:) I'm pretty much dirt compared to y'all!

  3. I just want jump through this iPad and hug ya'll....As painful as this has been for dad and me, I still can't imagine your heartache...We get the same question, "any grandbabies yet" and same response as yours. Depending on who and when can determine our reply too. We also see our little girl hurting and we know Dustin is there with you and hurting too so double boo-hoos. We will see those precious babes one day, but until then we know God has some mighty plans in and tight hugs! Mom & Dad (King)

  4. Oh...The dreaded question.... We were married 10 years before Mary Kaitlynn came around..."When"??? changed to, " Yall don't like children ?"....that was a kicker....My reply became..." When God gets ready for us to have a child, HE will bring us one!" Perfection takes time......looking back, I'll never regret the time Dave and I had together as a couple. It prepared us for the many storms life dished out. The best things that came out of dealing with infertility, the strong roots that were planted in our faith and each other....Hang in there!