So I have discovered that there is a now a question that I dislike very much. It is generally brought up by well-intentioned people in casual conversation the first time I meet them. It's a question that I used to never think twice about, but I can't help but pause before I answer it now. Here is the question:
"Do you have any children?"
By itself it is an innocent question asked by people who mean no harm whatsoever. When Dustin and I first got married, I used to laugh when this was asked and usually give the response of "Oh no, not yet!" Now that we've been married almost five years, it comes up more frequently. What I really want to say is "I've got two in Heaven, but none here with me yet"... but seeing as how this question is usually asked by someone who's just met me within a short window of time, I take a deep breath and remind myself to smile before simply saying "No, not yet" as gracefully as I can.
Depending on the day I'm having, this question may not affect me much or it could cause me to burst into tears. In no way do I fault anyone who asks me this as it is a perfectly normal conversational question when you're getting to know someone. It's just another way I've discovered that miscarriage impacts you permanently- no matter how many you've had. I know that this is a part of our story that God is writing for us. We don't know how long this chapter will be- but we trust the One who knows the book by heart.