World Adoption Day

The fact that Finn is adopted is not something we think about everyday. If I'm being honest, I forget about it most of the time. It's not something we even mention to anyone unless they bring up adoption or it's medically necessary. Let's face it- he looks more like me than Ryder does and has the same sparkling blue eyes as his daddy and Ryder so there's really never even been a question of it. I may not have carried him for 9+ months like his brothers, but the truth is my "pregnancy" with Finn was the hardest one yet. It took over two years and involved losing 4 of his older siblings for him to be ours and those are things that I won't ever forget. Adoption comes in many forms. We didn't travel to some far away country and rescue him from an orphanage. He wasn't in the foster care system in our own country. Both of which are incredible and necessary ways to adopt and come with their own challenges. We've been with him from birth and we're all he's ever known.

I wrote a post similar to this almost two years ago to the date. I have now been blessed to have two biological babies and all of my thoughts are just as true today. Adoption is merely the means in which Finn joined our family, but it does not define his role in our family. He is our first born. He is not our adopted son. He is our son. Not to take away from how God placed him in our family, we love sharing his story. We plan to tell him as he gets older, so he knows it's always a part of him. If you ask him, he'll tell you that "God placed Ryder and Jude in mommy's belly, but He put me in mommy's heart". We got Finn this book for Christmas last year and it is just the sweetest story that sums up adoption in a very preschool friendly way. I still can barely get through it without tears, but he loves reading it even though he doesn't get the depth of the words yet.

I don't take for granted the gift it is when Finn calls me "mama", "mommy" or "mom" as it reminds me of the blessing that he is to our family. So on this World Adoption Day, I wish I could hug all of you mamas out there that have adopted, are waiting to adopt or are in the process of adopting. It's a sweet sisterhood that comes with many challenges and heartaches but also the best reward you'll ever get.

On being an "adoptive" mom

I don't really understand the term "adoptive mom". Exactly what part of motherhood does the "adoptive" part negate? The late night feedings? Exploding diapers? Two year old tantrums? Because if I recall correctly, babies are a package deal- whether you physically give birth to them or not. Most people that say "adoptive mom" or "adopted child" are innocent in their intentions, but in the adoption circles, these words cut pretty deeply.

I have been blessed with the unique perspective of having both a biological baby and a non-biological baby and I will be the first to say it wasn't the pregnancy and the constant tiredness and the back pain that made me a mom. It wasn't the long labor that finally ended in a c-section that made me a mom. And don't even get me started on the breastfeeding versus bottle feeding debate, because neither of those made me a mom.

It was the first time Finn looked at me with a smile, because he knew I was his. It was the first time he reached for my finger and fell asleep on my chest. It's when Ryder looks up at me with his big blue eyes and the widest, gummiest smiles and when he squeals and buries his head on my shoulder. It's Finn's little voice that calls out to me from his bed when he says "mom mom!" and he yells "hi!!" when I finally walk in his room. It's when he grabs my hand and pulls me to play with him. Or when he lifts both hands towards me and says "mom mom, up". Or when he wants to crawl in my lap and lay his head on my shoulder at bedtime and rock while we sing and pray. These are the moments that make me a mom. For all adoptive moms out there- you have your moments too. It doesn't matter how a child joins your family, what matters is that he's your family. Every birthday, every Christmas, every Mother's Day card, the first day of school-- those are all yours, mama. When he learns to walk, your hands will keep him from falling. Your kisses make his boo boos better and your hugs make him forget his bad dreams. You'll get mad at him for wearing his muddy shoes in the house and ask him to turn his music down. You'll get grass stains out of his uniform and make sure the fridge is stocked. You'll help him with his homework and teach him to drive a car. You'll iron his graduation gown and take his prom pictures. You'll unpack his clothes in his college dorm and dance with him at his wedding. These moments and a million more are what makes us moms.

Finn found a copy of our profile book that we used in our adoption process and looked at every picture on every page. When we created it, we had no idea that God had already hand selected the sweetest, happiest, spunkiest, most joyful little boy we've ever been blessed to know. We are so thankful to be his mom and dad.

Adopted is a past tense word

This post has been on my mind for some time now, but I am only now getting a chance to sit down and write my thoughts out. This time last year, when we started the adoption process, Dustin and I each read the book Adopted for Life by Russell Moore. While this post isn't meant to be a book review, I would definitely recommend it to anyone considering or just wanting to know more about adoption. There are some parts of it that I don't completely agree with (e.g his views on IVF and any medically invasive fertility treatments) but I think that overall it was very beneficial for us. One of his chapters is titled "Adopted is a Past Tense Word".

This is a statement I agree with 110%.

Have you ever noticed when people talk about families with children that have been adopted, they are always referred to as "well Suzy just has the sweetest adopted daughter", "Suzy, mother to 3 adopted children" or even worse "Suzy has 2 kids of her own and 3 adopted children". Now this example isn't to pick on Suzy. I don't even know Suzy. It's just to make a point. Why must people feel the need to differentiate adopted children from biological children as if they are lesser than or somehow not a complete part of the family? Whether your child(ren) was(were) adopted at birth or as a teenager- they become wholly part of your family.

Another part of the book that was meant in a half-joking/half-serious manner that really stuck with me was when he talked about his children- two boys who were adopted as infants from Russia and two biological boys. He stated that he doesn't see the need in telling others (especially strangers) how each of his children joined his family. For example, here is Will, our natural delivery child, Scott, our cesarean child and Mike and Tim, our adopted children. Those aren't their real names, but the point is-- it doesn't matter how your son or daughter joined your family. When they joined your family- they are your family. Finn doesn't look at me as his adopted mom. I am his mom. I feed him and clothe him and play with him and comfort him when he's sad. He rests his head on my shoulder at night and smiles the biggest smile when I see him when he wakes up in the morning. It would not be any different if we adopted him at birth or at 15. There may be some more psychological issues to overcome if you adopt an older child who has memories from a previous family-- but that doesn't change the fact that he or she is your son or daughter.

We should be ever so thankful that our Heavenly Father doesn't view our spiritual adoption as His children the way that some people view physical adoption here on earth. He doesn't look at us as adopted children. According to Romans 8:17, we are co-heirs with Christ and you can't be more a part of God's family than that. "And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God's glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering." 

 So yes. Adopted is a past tense word. It may be how your child joined your family, but it is not your child's permanent place in your family. As a helpful tip, when referring to a family that has both biological children and adopted children- never use the phrase "kids of your own and adopted kids". The term biological children is perfectly acceptable to use in this circumstance- if you even have the need to differentiate. I can tell you that Finn is 100% our own. And if God decided to bless us with biological children one day, Finn will remain our own. Though he doesn't share our DNA, he has had our hearts from day 1. He views us as the only mom and dad he's ever known and we are his whole world (right now anyway). Why would we ever want to view him as anything less than that? 

*drops the mic* Now someone hold my hand as I step down off my soapbox.

Two Months and Finalization

Today, yes TODAY friends is a big day for our little man and our family- Finn's adoption was finalized!! Kansas allows you to finalize adoptions in 60 days (as opposed to 6 months in GA), so today was his court date out there. We went before the judge while we were out there in September, so we didn't have to fly back out there now. All we needed to do was wait the 60 days and our attorney took care of the paperwork today. We're so excited our little man is officially an Oprea!

 

After  I told him he's stuck with us..

On Tuesday, he also turned two months! He is up to 10lbs 11oz and is still 21.5in. He's in the 25th percentile for weight and 2nd percentile for height. So our little guy really is our little guy : )

Here are some highlights from this past month...

He now does a great job holding his head up and lifting up during tummy time.

He is exploring more of his little world around him. He still loves going for walks and has gotten out of the house a little more with mommy and daddy. We've taken trips to the outlets, mall, Target and Trader Joe's. As long as he's fed, he's a happy boy no matter where he is. He also had his first of many trips to Chick fil A. 

 

We've been able to switch him from Alimentum to regular, milk-based Similac and he's been loving it (cha ching!) He is only waking up once at night to eat- which is great- the longest he's slept so far has been 7 hours!

He likes bath time a little more and seems to like his bedtime routine. 

We love our little man more everyday and can't believe it has already been two months!

Please excuse the mullet that is gradually forming. 

A haircut may be on the list of firsts for 3 months...

At this point daddy walked in...

He loves his daddy!

"Home" Sweet Hotel

That's right, friends. I apologize for the delay in updates, but it's for good reason. We have had a little less time on our hands, because we were promoted to a family care unit in the hospital on Saturday and spent the night there. This is basically the same unit where we would've stayed with him right after he was born if he wasn't in the NICU. We were discharged yesterday and had our first night with him in the hotel last night. Today, we just received word that we are free to leave the state with our baby boy! We had already reserved our hotel through this Thursday which will be his two week birthday. Some airlines won't let you fly with a baby less than two weeks old and we figured a few extra days wouldn't hurt for us to get used to his schedule before we jump on a plane. If all continues as planned, we will be home on Thursday! Here are some pics from the last couple days...

This was how he felt about his carseat test- which he passed along with his hearing test. Both of these tests are required for him to leave the NICU.

We got in our family care room at the hospital around half time of the Clemson game- go Tigers!

Our first morning with the little man in the hospital.

Here is Finn wearing daddy's outfit he wore when he left the hospital 30 years ago. Daddy was also a preemie and our little guy fits perfectly in it- all 5.15 lbs of him!

Our first car ride "home"- aka the hotel.

Leaving the hospital!

Our view for most of the day

Finally, this might be my favorite pic. This is his face after I told him we were able to leave. I think he is realizing that he is stuck with us : )

One Week Birthday!

We celebrated Finn's one week birthday today! He has also done so well over the past 48 hours! He stayed on cpap most of Monday and all of Tuesday and they took him off Wednesday, because he was progressing so well! Little man has also had quite a few firsts over the last couple days. Last night, his sweet nurse Lori gave him his first bath after she took his IV out. This morning, he took his first bottle and ate most of it! She only had to push the last little bit through his feeding tube. I was able to give him his second, third and fourth bottles and he seems to be getting the hang of it! Most importantly, daddy changed his first diaper ever! It may have taken him 10 minutes and I had to re-tighten the tabs but he's learning : ) We should be moving to the step down unit soon and then hopefully discharged. Once he's discharged, we will still stay in the hotel for a few nights so that we're not jumping right on a plane straight from the hospital. Here are some pictures from the last couple days!

Nonna and Pop came all the way to Kansas to meet Finn!

He is very happy to have that cpap off his sweet little face!

 

Cannot get enough of these sweet little bear feet!

 

Once that IV came out, we were able to see his mohawk : )

 

First bottle from mommy!

 

I think he likes us : )

Vent Free!

Today was a great day for our little dude! He was taken off the vent this morning and put on cpap (similar to a cpap mask that adults with sleep apnea wear). It is basically a way for him to breathe higher pressure air that is easier on him, but he is doing all of the breathing on his own. Pray that his breathing would continue to be steady and strong on his own and we could be on our way to a step-down room soon. After we got to be at the hospital for that transition, we drove about 45 minutes to Butler County where we went before the judge. This is where he signed the official petition for adoption that will be used for finalization on November 22. Luckily, this will allow us to finalize in Georgia. This afternoon, I was able to sit and hold our sweet baby boy for 3 hours while he slept. He's hardly been held since he was born on Thursday, so he LOVED it and so did his mommy : ) Again, all of these pics are from my phone. I don't want to bring my big camera in the NICU so stay tuned for some better pics!

He is happiest when he's dressed and bundled up. Even if it's about 4 sizes too big!

 

I've been taking his temp and changing his diaper when we're there. Little man has managed to pee on me twice and I'm sure there will be many more times to come.

 

Well hello there bright eyes. I think he's still trying to figure us out...

Progress

First of all. Thank you everyone for all of your kind words and messages. We fall more in love with our sweet boy every time we see him! Finn is doing well overall, but still has a ways to go. He was born at just over 36 weeks, but his lungs were only about 34 weeks. The first thing we noticed when we saw him this morning was how much better his breathing looked. His chest wasn't compressing as much and it didn't look nearly as labored as it had before. His bilirubin level spiked from 6 to 10 to 13 over the first two days, so they started him on phototherapy a.k.a baby sunbathing. Jaundice in newborns is pretty typical- especially when they're early. The good news is that it seems to be working, because his level was already dropping after 12 hours under the lights. They'll most likely keep him under there for the next couple days. The neonatologist gave us a great report this morning saying that he was happy with how his breathing was progressing and his cardiac report came back good. Our little guy is quite the fighter and very strong. It is so sad to watch him fight his tube and scream without making a sound, but his doctor wants to be cautious with taking him off the ventilator as they really wouldn't want to have to put him back on after taking him off again. He is breathing room air (21% O2) and not requiring any additional oxygen and the vent is set to only 15 breaths per minute- meaning he is mostly breathing on his own. Our prayer is that he would have an easy transition off and that there wouldn't be any complications that arise.

We still don't really have a date in sight yet on when the little man will be discharged. If he were to come off the vent tomorrow, he'd most likely stay in the NICU for a couple more days and then move to a step-down unit. Once he's discharged, we don't want to take him straight on a plane, so that would mean a couple more nights in a hotel. It could be anywhere from 1-2 more weeks that we call Kansas home. We are so very thankful for some donated Marriott points courtesy of the Herschend family that are allowing us to stay in a nice extended stay hotel that resembles more of a small apartment. We love our little man to pieces and can't wait to show you just how cute he is without being hooked up to so many monitors. Our doctor suggested we read him some books in addition to just talking to him, so that is just what we did. Here is a picture of Dustin reading him his first book.

We have a son

We are so completely in love with our boy! His name is Finn Declan Oprea. "Finn" was our choice and "Declan" was actually chosen by his biological family. Throughout the duration of the pregnancy, his biological sister who is eleven has called him Declan as it is the Irish saint of goodness. We chose to keep that as his middle name in honor of their family. They will always hold a special place in our hearts as they've chosen to give us this most precious gift. There really are not enough words to describe how much we admire and respect his birth mother for choosing life and choosing us.

We got to Kansas on Wed night and it has been quite the roller coaster since we got here. He was born Thursday morning at 11:46 AM weighing in at 5lbs 15oz and 18 in. His birth mother allowed me to be in the OR with her during the c-section, for which I am so incredibly grateful. It was also during this time that I got my first mother's worst fear moments. Shortly after they took him out, he started turning blue. The neonatal team rushed in, because he was in respiratory distress due to his lungs not being all the way developed. They intibated him and I was able to walk (jog) down the hall with them as they took him to the NICU. A chest X-Ray confirmed he had some fluid in his lungs and his body wasn't producing enough surfactant (the stuff that allows your lungs to fully expand). After a shot of medicinal surfactant and hooking him up to the ventilator, he stabilized and has been stable ever since. They took him off the vent Friday morning because he was fighting it and he stayed off for about 6 hours. Since his breathing was still pretty labored, they hooked him up to a cpap (a step down from the vent) to give him a little more help. After two hours on the c-pap, they decided it would be best to put him back on the ventilator as it would allow his little body to rest while his lungs got stronger. All of his other vitals look good, we just need his respiratory rate to slow down a bit and become more steady. The super sweet respiratory therapist told us that it will with time. It is all due to him being early and his lungs just need to catch up to the rest of his body. He is a strong little guy and quite the fighter so we have no doubt that it will happen with rest and time. They also have him on a feeding tube since he can't take a bottle yet. We've been at the hospital with him most of the day and were even able to hold him this morning while he was off the vent. The biggest thing that happened today was that the papers were signed that make him legally ours! We are so in love with our little man! Here are some pictures that I've taken with my phone over the past day and a half.

This was right before the c-section

 

 

About 3 hours after he was born on the vent

Our first picture as a family of three!

 

Already looking for that thumb!

This morning when we were able to hold him when he was off the vent.

We fall more in love with this sweet little man every time we see him. He has a full head of dark brown hair and right now his eyes are a dark blue (just like most newborns). While this is not what we anticipated our time in Kansas being like, we are so thankful that God chose him to be a part of our family.