Update

So this post is really a continuation of this one. Really it's a continuation of the last two years and if you're new to the blog, I would suggest reading Our Story. A couple weeks after my surgery on March 4, I got a call from my doctor herself who told me that the genetic testing from this last pregnancy confirmed a genetic abnormality. Our next steps were to have a specific type of genetic testing called karyotyping done on both Dustin and me. This is where they look very closely at our chromosomes to see where exactly this genetic abnormality came from. We had blood drawn for that about a month ago and this morning, we had our appointment with a genetic counselor to go over the results. The result is that I am a balanced translocation carrier. This is where you'll need to put your thinking caps on and think way back to high school biology.

Typical functioning people are born with 46 chromosomes (23 from mom and 23 from dad). I have all 46 chromosomes, but they are arranged a little differently. This is something that was most likely inherited, but there is a chance it could've been de novo (not inherited). Basically, a piece of my #5 chromosome is attached to my #8 chromosome and a piece of my #8 chromosome is attached to #5. I've provided a picture for you visual learners.

I am considered a carrier, because I am completely normal (for the most part) and it does not affect my health at all. The problem occurs when my chromosomes are passed onto a baby. I have one normal #5 chromosome and one normal #8 chromosome in addition to the abnormal #5 and abnormal #8 (remember one #5 & #8 from mom and one #5 & #8 from dad). If the normal ones get selected for the baby, then we're fine and it would most likely be a healthy full term baby. If the abnormal ones (the multicolored ones above) get selected, it will result in miscarriage or severe birth defects if a baby did carry to term, because that would mean the baby has too much or too little genetic material. Here is a visual of the possible scenarios with just my chromosomes. Luckily, Dustin's tested normally. Consider the purple one chromosome #5 and the yellow one as chromosome #8.

So, what this really means is that by textbook definition a biological child of ours would have a 25% chance of having normal chromosomes, a 25% chance of being a balanced translocation carrier (like me) and a 50% chance of having unbalanced chromosomes.

Typically, someone with a balanced translocation will experience the following scenarios:
1. Infertility (meaning not able to even get pregnant at all). This is not our issue.
2. Recurrent miscarriage. This is where we are.
3. Live births. The chances of having a baby with a severe birth defect for us are approx. 2-4% given that my history shows that mine are more likely to miscarry if they are not healthy. In theory, the chances of having a healthy baby at some point are still roughly 50% depending on which chromosomes are selected.

So where does this leave us? Well... we could continue to try and get pregnant naturally, hoping that the baby would end up with either of the chromosomes at the end of the left arrow in the above picture. This would be a complete unknown until they could do some genetic testing in early pregnancy. Another option would be to do IVF with PGD (preimplantation genetic determination). Meaning, they would test all of the potential embryos before implantation to see which ones (if any) are healthy. This is really also an unknown, because there is no guarantee that any given cycle will produce any healthy embryos. Another option would be IVF using an egg donor or embryo adoption. Anyone that has done IVF knows very well that there are never any guarantees with it- even with healthy embryos.

This condition is something that affects approximately 1 in 1000 people (lucky me). Our genetic counselor is going to send our results along with a rough outline of our family history to a geneticist in New York who is going to take a closer look (hard to believe you can get much closer) and will tell us more specifically what our percentages look like instead of the textbook percentages (further miscarriages vs. healthy pregnancies). We could get these numbers in the next week or so.

Now that I've gotten all of the science out of the way and made your head hurt, here is also what I know. Our God is bigger than science. He is bigger than percentages and statistics. And He knew this about me from day 1. He knows what's behind us and also what is ahead. This certainly would not have been the road we would have chosen, but it's the one we've been given. We are (and have always been) trusting in Him each step of the way. We know that He has big plans for our family and will continue to remain faithful to this life He's called us to live.

Believe Again

Yesterday was a dark day. The events that unfolded in Boston brought feelings of hopelessness and defeat to our nation. Yesterday was also the one year anniversary of a sweet little boy going to be with his Heavenly Father. I wrote more about this last year, but I think it's appropriate to re-post this video featuring sweet Creed as it is proof that we can still lift our hands to believe again. As individuals, as a community and as a nation.

Green Jackets and Pink Azaleas

Spring has officially sprung in the South and that can only mean one thing. Masters Week. This is the husband's absolute favorite week of the whole year and I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it too. This year, we were able to go on Monday and Tuesday thanks to sweet friends and family. We were blessed with some beautiful weather to go with our sandwiches and pink lemonade. Here are some pictures from the practice rounds.

 Our friend, Walt, is volunteering for the week. He'll be on the first hole until Sunday, so feel free to swing by and say hi!

 On the first day, we met up with Bubba Watson and Rickie Fowler.

 Tiger came out late in the day with Dustin Johnson and a 14.. that's FOURTEEN... year old amateur.

 Rickie Fowler on day two.

 Phil leading the way in our favorite foursome.

 Matt Kuchar

 Rickie Fowler

 Dustin Johnson

 Stewart Cink

 Zach Johnson

 Mom and me

 Gary Player

 Freddy!

 Until next year...

And just in case you thought golf wasn't fun...

Living Room Table

Last month, when the husband and I were home for a week straight, we did some sprucing up to our living room. I have wanted to put something on this wall since we've moved in, but never quite decided on what. This is also where we put the Christmas tree each year, so every January it looks extra bare. I'm very pleased with how it turned out. Most everything is from Hobby Lobby and the lamp is from TJ Maxx Homegoods. I really love the chalkboard. We actually made this from an old frame that I spray painted white a long time ago. We just spray painted the frame backing with chalkboard paint. I said "we", because the husband was actually a huge help with this project. Three years later and I feel like our living room is actually complete.

Easter 2013

This past weekend, the husband and I were able to spend a long weekend in Aiken to visit both of our families. We enjoyed seeing everyone and being able to relax in the beautiful weather. We were happy to spend time with Dustin's brother, Seth, and his sweet wife, Brittney. This was the first time we've seen them since the wedding in January. After looking through these pictures, I realize now that I didn't take any of the guys... Regardless, it was a fun weekend!

 Lunch with the girls while the guys were golfing.

 The mom and mom-in-law (love)

Letter from dad

So although we I have had this blog for quite some time now, this is the first guest post from the husband. It's a sweet letter that he wrote from the waiting room while I was in surgery on March 4. He said this was the first time he really felt strongly about whether it was a boy or a girl.

While I (Dustin) sat in the waiting room listening to music on that Monday morning just a few short weeks ago, I pulled up the notes section on my phone and began writing a letter to our baby we were saying bye to, for now.  As David says in 2 Samuel 12 when he lost a child, "he will not return to me, I will go to him." Amidst an overwhelming rush of emotions, thoughts, prayers, and exhaustion - it's cool to reflect back on this 30 minutes or so and see how the Lord prompted me to do this.  I showed this note to Steph as we were at Hilton Head 2 weeks ago.  For me it has turned out to be one of the more therapeutic and soul healing exercises I have ever done.

Dear son,

Today is a special day, I'll get to that in a sec, but wanted to share with you how much you are loved by your Mom and I, the joy that you have brought us, the tears, but most importantly the true and comforting assurance that every parent wants to be able to rest in...that God has you.

My heart leaped when your Mom told me she was pregnant with you. We began praying for you immediately. Even in the night when you were pushing on Mommy's bladder and she got up to tinkle, we prayed.

In just a short life of 8 weeks you got to do some pretty cool things. Disney! Your two siblings that you'll be meeting and prob already have are gonna be way jealous. Your Mommy loves Disney, not as much as we love you but so much that she was content just being there walking around the parks with me and you, excited, knowing that even if she was suppose to sit out some of the rides that you were there with her. That was enough. Not many people get to go to Disney World and eat a Mickey ice cream, even better that it was on K-Life's first ever Mystery Trip. Again, sorry about how loud those teenagers were on the bus, your mom had to ask them to chill out a few times. She can be protective, but you already know that.

I'm learning that many parents, like us, try to keep their children from getting hurt, not that its a bad thing, just normal. But its inevitable. And sometimes parents measure themselves based on the lack of pain their kids have had to endure bc they've done a good job of dodging those "bullets". I guess since you'll never have to endure this world...in that perspective we are probably the best parents ever, right!? I'll assume you are nodding your head, "yes".

This world is so broken and messed up, its impossible to not encounter tough stuff, so you not ever having to endure this painful, diseased stricken, sinful world is pretty cool. You are pain free - chilling in Heaven with your two siblings and our Savior.

Although as the Bible says, that you (our child) are like arrows in the hands of a warrior (Psalm 127) I always pictured that coming to fruition and lived out when you were much older than 8 weeks. But you have brought a deeper meaning to those verses to us and our family in such a short time. Even though you are not here on Earth, you have become an "arrow" that we will continue to share with others and draw strength from through our God as we tell others about you. There's so many promises that I would love to be able to tell you and have come true in your life as you grow in our family, while that won't happen here on Earth - I know that as I type this...you are with the best promise ever, for eternity. And He, God, will get nothing but glory from your life and ours. We promise to fight for that. That's a promise we CAN make.

While I would have loved to rock you to sleep at 3am, see your first steps, be the stud on the soccer team and the star in the school play, see you go on your first date, graduate from Clemson (Tigers!) and see who you marry and spend the rest of your life with...I know you would experience pain & hurt from just being in this world...so as much as it hurts to not be able to see and experience the joys from all of that, I'm more thrilled and a bit jealous that you get to be with our Heavenly Father. As a parent it gives me so much joy knowing that you are right where you're suppose to be. Give your siblings a big hug from the two of us.

I told you today is a special day. Happy Birthday buddy, for your new life.

Love you always,

Daddy

Miss you, friend

Earlier this week, we said good-bye to Bentley. He has been a member of our family since I was 15 and lived a long happy life. He will be missed so very much, but we are thankful for the many years of love and laughter he brought us. We will miss you, dear friend.

"Once someone has had the good fortune to share a true love affair with a Golden Retriever, one's life and one's outlook is never quite the same." 

–Betty White

Bentley King

2001-2013