When are you due?
March 17 - St. Patrick's Day
How far along are you and is this the furthest you've ever made it?
18 weeks. Well 19 weeks tomorrow. Yes, previously I made it to 12 weeks (though development stopped around 9), 7 weeks, 5 weeks and 8 weeks.
Are you going to find out what you're having?
Yes! Hopefully in two weeks.
How are you feeling?
Great! I was nauseous off and on in the beginning and super exhausted. Now I'm just hungry and tired a lot (but this I also attribute to our sweet active toddler :) I have yet to feel the baby move to my knowledge, but everything I read says that is most likley to happen around 20-24 weeks. I'm growing which is good and I've never been so happy to gain weight.
How did you feel when you first found out?
There was an obvious level of anxiety there, but also a peace in knowing that this pregnancy would be out of my control anyway and the end result was really already decided either way. Remember, with my translocation it all really just depends on which chromosomes are selected for that given cycle. The last time I spoke with the genetic counselor, he said that our odds for a healthy pregnancy were still really good (my miscarriage risk is really only around 38% for any given pregnancy). Given that we've been at 100% over 4 pregnancies, we knew it was only a matter of time. That's the medical side of things. In reality, we know that we serve a loving God who is good- all of the time. Even if we lost this pregnancy, we knew that He would be there to see us through it- just as He's always been. If God chose to take this baby that wasn't ours to begin with to be with Him we knew that it would be because He has something better planned for our family. Receiving the gift of our sweet baby boy has made us see that more clearly than ever. It is still hard to say that he's made the past four years worth it, but Finn has brought us more joy than we'd ever thought possible. We know that God handpicked him to be our son and we couldn't imagine it any other way.
Did all of your nerves go away once you were out of the first trimester?
Absolutely not. Hence why this didn't make it to the blog until now. But with each subsequent ultrasound, they've gradually lessened. At 8 weeks, we were both prepared to face another loss that day. I even planned the appointment on a Thursday so that if I needed surgery, it could happen Friday without waiting through the weekend. I did same at 10 weeks. After a healthy 10 week ultrasound with good development and a strong heartbeat, Dustin and I both breathed a little bit easier as we've never truly gotten that far. We went in at 12 weeks and the first thing they did was listen to the heartbeat without an ultrasound. I can say that my heart was in my throat thinking about this as the memories of our first pregnancy came back since this is when we found out we lost that one. She picked up the heartbeat as soon as she touched my stomach and I felt a gentle nudge of God's reassurance. We saw a perinatal specialist at 13.5 weeks for the nuchal translucency screening. This is the screening that is typically done to rule out more common chromosomal abnormalities (trisomy 13/18, downs) and given that mine was so specific (chromosomes 5 and 8) it most likely wouldn't tell us anything about that specifically. The doctor took a thorough look at the ultrasound and told us that in his opinion, he couldn't see any reason why this pregnancy would be affected by it. The baby had a strong heartbeat and looked good. If something was wrong with those chromosomes, it wouldn't have developed that far. My most recent appointment was at 16 weeks where, again, we got to hear the heartbeat without an ultrasound and they said everything continued to look good *deep exhale*.
Is this blog going to become all about pregnancy going forward?
Absolutely not. This blog has always been a way for us to share our story and snapshots at what's going on in our life. Pregnancy loss was a very real reality for us (and could still be in our future) so at the time, that was our story. In the past year, we've seen more joy through our baby boy so we've tried to capture that in the hopes of using this as an online journal and photo album. We are just now getting around to actually embracing the gift of baby #2 instead of trying not to think about it so I will obviously write about that. This blog has always been about our family and the story that God is writing through us.
What's next?
Well according to my doctor, we should be looking into hospital tours and filling out hospital registration forms (which feels weird to even type). According to pinterest, I should be planning the perfect nursery (you know, in all of my free time). Honestly though, we are still just taking it a day/week at a time. Yes, all looks good but something about actually planning for the reality of having this baby still feels surreal. I'm sure I'll come around to it eventually, but right now we are just enjoying our sweet little family of three. I'll go back to the perinatal specialist for my 20 weeks and then see my regular OB the following week.
So that's it for now. Stay tuned for updates!
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