While I (Dustin) sat in the waiting room listening to music on that Monday morning just a few short weeks ago, I pulled up the notes section on my phone and began writing a letter to our baby we were saying bye to, for now. As David says in 2 Samuel 12 when he lost a child, "he will not return to me, I will go to him." Amidst an overwhelming rush of emotions, thoughts, prayers, and exhaustion - it's cool to reflect back on this 30 minutes or so and see how the Lord prompted me to do this. I showed this note to Steph as we were at Hilton Head 2 weeks ago. For me it has turned out to be one of the more therapeutic and soul healing exercises I have ever done.
Today is a special day, I'll get to that in a sec, but wanted to share with you how much you are loved by your Mom and I, the joy that you have brought us, the tears, but most importantly the true and comforting assurance that every parent wants to be able to rest in...that God has you.
My heart leaped when your Mom told me she was pregnant with you. We began praying for you immediately. Even in the night when you were pushing on Mommy's bladder and she got up to tinkle, we prayed.
In just a short life of 8 weeks you got to do some pretty cool things. Disney! Your two siblings that you'll be meeting and prob already have are gonna be way jealous. Your Mommy loves Disney, not as much as we love you but so much that she was content just being there walking around the parks with me and you, excited, knowing that even if she was suppose to sit out some of the rides that you were there with her. That was enough. Not many people get to go to Disney World and eat a Mickey ice cream, even better that it was on K-Life's first ever Mystery Trip. Again, sorry about how loud those teenagers were on the bus, your mom had to ask them to chill out a few times. She can be protective, but you already know that.
I'm learning that many parents, like us, try to keep their children from getting hurt, not that its a bad thing, just normal. But its inevitable. And sometimes parents measure themselves based on the lack of pain their kids have had to endure bc they've done a good job of dodging those "bullets". I guess since you'll never have to endure this world...in that perspective we are probably the best parents ever, right!? I'll assume you are nodding your head, "yes".
This world is so broken and messed up, its impossible to not encounter tough stuff, so you not ever having to endure this painful, diseased stricken, sinful world is pretty cool. You are pain free - chilling in Heaven with your two siblings and our Savior.
Although as the Bible says, that you (our child) are like arrows in the hands of a warrior (Psalm 127) I always pictured that coming to fruition and lived out when you were much older than 8 weeks. But you have brought a deeper meaning to those verses to us and our family in such a short time. Even though you are not here on Earth, you have become an "arrow" that we will continue to share with others and draw strength from through our God as we tell others about you. There's so many promises that I would love to be able to tell you and have come true in your life as you grow in our family, while that won't happen here on Earth - I know that as I type this...you are with the best promise ever, for eternity. And He, God, will get nothing but glory from your life and ours. We promise to fight for that. That's a promise we CAN make.
While I would have loved to rock you to sleep at 3am, see your first steps, be the stud on the soccer team and the star in the school play, see you go on your first date, graduate from Clemson (Tigers!) and see who you marry and spend the rest of your life with...I know you would experience pain & hurt from just being in this world...so as much as it hurts to not be able to see and experience the joys from all of that, I'm more thrilled and a bit jealous that you get to be with our Heavenly Father. As a parent it gives me so much joy knowing that you are right where you're suppose to be. Give your siblings a big hug from the two of us.
I told you today is a special day. Happy Birthday buddy, for your new life.
Love you always,